Reflections this season
For those who follow my blog:
Honestly, I have been slacking on writing posts lately (and have put my Paisios series on pause). I felt like I needed to turn my attention to my internal self and internal journey of writing (or journaling). I feel like that is okay. In general, I have taken several breaks from writing (there is a much longer story beyond all that even).
This October has brought the most vibrant and beautiful leaves I have seen. The skies are pink, purple, red and orange with hue. Yet, I feel a blue light has been cast upon our faces.
As the fall leaves inspire creativity and bring about a nostalgic part of myself I have once missed, I feel an inkling to be creative again and reach out to my soul. And around the corner… Winter is the perfect season to be creative, to reach deep into our souls, and reflect… And write…
These past years, or even this past season, I have taken a step back to look at our world. And myself.
Though, sometimes I enter my mind and get lost in thought… I am a victim of myself, I too feel far from love — and life — itself… There are times I feel like weeping. It me a while to figure why…
Daily, I look at this world and it makes me sad… Not what I read in the news, or even what I hear about, but what I experience in our everyday world, society and culture… I feel as though humanity is losing its semblance of love.
I too am not perfect at love. I lack much love in my life. I pray to God that I can find it, for I have not loved my neighbors well, nor my enemies, or even some of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I too am a selfish person. I repent and want to do better at that.
Perfect love casts our fear. What has happened to us? I see us all running around like chickens with our heads cut off. We fight over gas during pipeline shortage, we grab the last can of food during a state of inflation, and rush out the door within simply smiling and saying goodbye to those who greeted us and helped us. Are we really such a mess?
(Don’t despair… There is also much good about humanity, and plenty of good things going on, but I will get to that at another time. Encouragement will come later.)
I think what makes me want to cry is that we do realize ourselves. It is one thing to be a struggling Christian, a sinner who tries and make sinful mistakes… But it is another thing to be a sinner who does not even try, because maybe, we do not even realize who are. We may drive around with a bumper sticker that says “Love Others” or “Show Kindness” but we cut someone off on the road, and we yell at someone in a grocery store… Do we not realize what we have become?
I am not here to point fingers, because I too am guilty as any other person. What makes me sad is the collective whole of humanity. People think that in the spirits of beverages and the tastes of food, we find life. In fact, we only take temporary comfort. No drink is enough to satisfy, nor is any food sufficient. We always want more. You can see the depravity in our faces. We think that there are “things” among us which will satisfy us, and bring joy to our soul.
Of course, we are mistaken… It is not this mistake necessarily, the mirror we lack in which to look at ourselves…
We are on a quest to live life and sustain our happiness. In doing so, we lose our purpose and our way, and even lose our joy… We focus on thoughts on the most pointless of things, and let fear and anxiety take over. There is no peace for such mind occupied with daily “things” of the world. We are so occupied, so set on our stubborn ways, we become ill. We replace football with church. We replace pizza and beer for the Body and Blood of Christ.
I am certainly not trying to attack people, or even those things I mentioned necessarily (there is a time and season, and balance of lives).
What I am saying is… We have become creatures of habit… Worshiping what we do not know and making idols of everyday things around us… Deep down, in the locked treasure of our hearts, we know the truth.
When we know only True Worship will bring us satisfaction, only prayer cannot connect what feel is so disconnected about ourselves. Only Christ can fill our empty soul and depraved bodies with so much life-giving Joy. He is waiting there for us, always. He has chosen us to be separate of this world.
In fact, in good news, I am noticing a turn in society… Where people are hungry and many of those are turning truly to Christ. I feel the struggle myself, but also feel the enticement to one with Christ, and live in His will. There is truly something beautiful about surrendering to God. We realize we cannot do it ourselves. Only He can bring true joy, love, and life into our lives.
